Is the Wheel of Time show what I wanted?

Note: This is full of spoilers.

I didn’t have a lot of hopes for Amazon’s adaptation of the Wheel of Time. Historically, I haven’t always been generous enough with adaptations to allow them to be what they want to be, not just what I want them to be. But more fundamentally, a lot has changed in my life since I first snuck into the cold and eerie quiet of my oldest brother's attic room to pull the Eye of the World off of his bookshelf while he was away at college. Could the TV show live up to how I first experienced the books? I was in high school at the time and resonated with Rand, Mat, Perrin, and Egwene’s stories, so much so that I dressed up as Mat Cauthon for halloween to the complete bewilderment of everyone else. The main characters of the book series were like me: kids on the brink of adulthood with a lot of talent. And what I liked about the books (even if at a subconscious level) was that being from the middle of nowhere was not a barrier to the character’s successes. Their raw talent and potential was so undeniable that they were pulled out of a backwood onto the pinnacle of the world stage, which is what I wanted for my life. I was also aggressively single, so I didn’t mind that the romantic relationships were a little thin. 

Now, my life is richer, and much more complex. I went to college and it wasn’t the great place of academic salvation I was hoping it would be. I’ve succeeded to some extent in my young research career, and while I enjoy it, it’s not the center of my life like I imagined. Growing up and moving out brings a slow flood of changes; swimming in the new currents builds unexpected muscles and brings new light.  And I’m happy with all of this. I’ve settled into my life and seen transcendence in ways that have changed my life in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye. Fortunately for me (and you), I’m not going to be matching Rand’s extreme levels of angst anymore. And I fell in love, and got married. I care about cute relationships now more than the whole rest of my life combined. Marriage has brought ineffable light into my life, as well as an ever expanding network of complexities and people who I need to consider when I’m making decisions.

Ultimately, I wasn’t sure if the Wheel of Time was the type of story I’d still like. Of course, I’d enjoy seeing the characters brought to the screen and the meticulous, exhaustive comparisons of the show to the book, but even if the Amazon series was a perfect distillation of the books to the small screen, it wouldn’t be the same. In high school, my choices felt like Rand’s. I had to find the right path to some clear marker of success. Now, my challenges are navigating the right compromise of my needs and desires with the needs and desires of my wife, trying to balance spending time with her family and spending time with my family, and grappling with changing relationships. The Wheel of Time wasn’t going to speak to 26 year-old me the same way it did to 16 year-old me, because I’ve changed and the books haven’t. 

I tried to be more flexible than normal going into the adaptation. Some parts of the book were inevitably going to change moving to the screen. Moiraine, not Rand, was going to be the main character. And knowing myself, I was expecting to merely tolerate these changes. 

Instead, I love the show and all (well, most) of the changes that it makes. So far, I’ve seen the first five episodes of the show. While I knew that the perspective of the show was going to switch from Rand to Moiraine, I didn’t anticipate that this shift would also center Lan and Nynaeve’s relationship. Their relationship, which I didn’t like in the books, is easily my favorite part of the show. They’re delightful and cute, and I want them to always be on screen. From the first moment they’re together they’re perfect, and make me wish for their never ending happiness. And the scene at the end of episode 5 where Nynaeve is present for the ritual grieving of Lan and the other Warders perfectly captures what early relationships can feel like. Like any funeral, accident, or family gathering, Nynaeve is suddenly right in the middle of something very intimate and familiar to everyone other than her, and she’s caught between trying to be present for Lan but trying not to overstep in such a vulnerable moment.  

Love and marriage changes your priorities. And all marriages bring tension between old relationships and new commitments. At least mine does. This is the simmering tension between Lan, Moiraine, and Nynaeve so far in season 1. There’s a great scene where Moiraine, seeing the love building between Lan and Nynaeve, says about Nynaeve that she doesn’t have a “disdain for men.” There’s great ambivalence, powerful yet conflicting feelings, in this statement. Moiraine is glad that Nynaeve doesn’t have disdain for men because it means that she won’t join the somewhat extreme Red Ajah. But at the same time, whatever comes of Lan and Nynaeve will have a huge impact on Moiraine’s life. She and Lan are Bonded, a connection that the Aes Sedai say is deeper than any sibling, parental, or spousal relationship. Lan is Moiraine’s closest companion. They’ve worked side by side for decades. And through the Bond, Moiraine literally feels what Lan feels. Moiraine seems to be happy for Lan and Nynaeve, but at the same time, changes in Lan inevitably change the very deep and intimate relationship between Lan and Moiraine. And when she’s talking about Nynaeve, you can see that conflict on Moiraine’s face. She’ll be in a different world if Nynaeve becomes Lan’s priority. Even good changes, like love and marriage, are changes, and sometimes those changes are hard to face.

These are the sorts of choices and tensions in my present life: choosing new priorities, and having those priorities change the relationships that I’ve had since birth. I didn’t expect it to, but through the adaptation the Wheel of Time has been able to change with me. Growing up and coming into your own as an adult is the story of Rand, Mat, Perrin, and Egwene. It’s the story that I loved when I was in high school. A good friend told me after I got engaged that life was only going to get more complicated. I didn’t believe him then, because I felt like I was going through a lot at the time and couldn’t imagine things getting more complex. It’s nice to have been naïve. The things I was going through have only gotten more complex, and naturally when I’m considering my wife in all of my decisions they’re going to be more complicated. And while there are undeniable challenges to growing up, I was lucky enough to have those challenges be largely self contained. 

I wanted the Wheel of Time TV show to be what I remembered it was as a beloved book series to a high school boy. Instead, I got something more like the life I live as a young husband and researcher. The show is something I can love for completely different reasons than the books. Centering Moiraine, Lan, and Nynaeve makes the Wheel of Time relevant to my present in ways a show centered on Rand, Perrin, Mat, and Egwene just wouldn’t be. The tension between the Aes Sedai, the Warder, and the Wisdom is not the huge conflict between the Dragon Reborn and the Dark One. It is the intimate and deep tension between people who all want to do what’s right and best. It’s the ambivalence of people excited for their lives to change and apprehensive at the same time of how those changes will impact relationships that they cherish. And as I get older and life becomes more complex and intertwined, that’s a story that resonates with me like the books did when I was younger.